I am an incredibly lucky woman.
I am 26 with a good job, a mortgage, a wonderful husband and a beautiful daughter. It doesn't get any better.
The last few years have been exciting. When I finish my degree.... When I finish training... When we get married... When we've bought a house... When we have a baby... I've ticked those boxes now. There will be more babies. The next house is not an option right now. D has a new job. I'm fine where I am for now.
I guess I feel a bit lost. I feel like I'm just back to counting down to the next school holiday. I am lacking a focus. A milestone, perhaps. I guess because all our plans aren't definite or out of our control. At some point we'll do the kitchen. We'll get to work on number two later this year. Maybe we'll get away next year... It's all a bit up in the air and open to change and I find it quite unsettling.
I've always been a planner and a waiter. I could have put my life on hold waiting for E, looking at baby stuff, getting ready and drinking tea. Now she's here I love every moment, I am far more spontaneous than ever before and planning goes out of the window as someone always has other ideas.
Does needing milestones mean you're wishing life away? How will I feel when my family is complete and we are counting down to the next school holiday? Does this feeling go away?
Probably not, I suspect, but I think having children changes things somewhat. Wedding planning for that one big day, the first day of that chapter. Watching that bump grow and imagining what the little in person will look like, the day that they arrive is a start of another chapter. But these days, every day is like a mini chapter, or at least a new paragraph. We might be waiting for teeth, or another word, but every day is exciting and new and rewarding.
I know that the milestones that are to come will be rewarding and exciting too. A kitchen that I can cook AND entertain in. The next career step. A sibling and best friend for my wonderful daughter. A week in the sunshine. But actually more importantly, it's all about living for now. I won't get these days back waiting for the next thing to happen.
It's time to start enjoying them even more.