Tuesday 8 April 2014

The Second Child

Last night I dressed my baby in a sleepsuit that was mine as a baby. It was, no doubt, from a baby boutique, such was my mother's taste, but it didn't stop her chopping off the feet when my legs got too long. My elder daughter wore it, and now the little one shall wear it too. I LOVE that we all have this hideous sleepsuit in common.



It's funny, as earlier D and I were talking about getting Effy's first outfits out of the loft for Lowen. We had to buy little things the Lowen, as everything of Effy's was too big, even the neutrals I bought were 0-3. Having initially rejoiced with my wallet at the prospect of never needing to buy new clothes-that-would-barely-be-worn-again, I suddenly felt guilty. Poor Lowen will spend at least the next 8 years in her sisters hand me downs. Tomorrow I will go and buy a pack of Next sleepsuits for her, so at least she has something of her own.

An only child, I never had hand me downs. Except for my bike, which had belonged to my male cousins before me. It was, obviously, blue. And I bloody hated it. 

It got me thinking about "second child syndrome". It made me think completely irrationally. Will she be forgotten about? Will she be resentful? Will she do things faster as she watches her sister do it? Will she be constantly compared to her sister? Will she struggle academically because her sister will always be doing SATs, GCSEs, A Levels first, and they're more important? Will I leave her sleeping upstairs and go out without her? Will she despise the hand me downs and pull the favouritsm card?!

Whatever she may think, my credit card is pleased that we have a seasonally appropriate, barely worn wardrobe in the loft. It's too good to be forgotten about. People always talk about "the second child" and "the middle child" in such a negative way, but there's plenty of good reasons too... 

For example, Lowen will learn from her big sister's mistakes. She'll have heard us count to three with a sanction in place. She may have witnessed first hand what happens if you draw on the sitting room floor, or put the potty on your head when it's got wee in it.

She'll benefit from our mistakes, our parenting fails, but also our parenting acalades and successes. 

She has her sisters' toys AND her own toys to play with.

She has enjoyed high class television such as Peppa Pig et al from a very young age. TV was banned until Effy was 1... That's education right there, that is...!

Most importantly, she had a confidant in her big sister. Always. She will never be lonely, or on her own. She'll always have a playmate, even when mummy and daddy are cooking or hanging the washing. She'll always have someone to blame.

And that has be worth more than a mini shopping spree for outfits she'll never remember instead of hand me downs.

Long live the hand me down, I say.




To the left, me and my dad, and to the right, Effy enjoying the clowns.

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19 comments:

  1. Don't worry about your second child! It seems harsh at first, but there are so many advantages to both of them of having each other. I think there is a greater risk of the second one begin ignored by friends and family when they are same gender (I have two boys). But my second (middle) child is amazing - clever, funny, good at sport, popular... He is so well-adjusted and well-rounded and his brother and sister adore him.

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    1. They already have a lot of love for one another - so pleased to hear that I am being completely irrational, your second child sounds divine!

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  2. I was tidying out our playroom the other day I realised that my son has way more toys than my daughter, we bought her hardly any new toys until she started asking specifically for things. I felt really bad at first and the realised that she didn't mind, all the gazillions of baby toys we have got lots of use and now that she is 2 1/2 and marching around the place with prams and buggies and dollies etc and happy out. The cutest thing about het is how much she worships her big brother!

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    1. Yes, she definitely won't need toys for a while, I'm going to start investing for them and leave the gift buying to everyone else!

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  3. I would've relly wanted another child just so my son will not be alone. I have a sister and I know its benefits. But we cant afford another addition to the family as money is super tight. Your daughters are lucky to have you and each other. COngratulations to the new member of the family =) #pocolo

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    1. It's definitely making us toughen our belts, but it's a sacrifice we're willing to make, they adore each other already.

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  4. Love that you and both your girls have all worn the same babygro, so cute!! I know where you are coming from about second children, I am middle child between 2 brothers and as a kid felt at times that I was the left out one, older bro was golden boy, and little bro the cute baby, but it hasn't done me any harm and I am so close to both my brothers now. Hubby is middle child of 3 boys too and again no long term damage from all the hand me downs etc. We loved having siblings to play with so have always known we wanted more than one if possible! xx #pocolo

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  5. My second born is 11 weeks old but fortunately he is a boy so hardly any hand-me-downs from his sister :-). But I find the idea of your girls wearing your babygro extremely sweet, wish I had kept some of mine for the kids! #PoCoLo

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  6. My youngest is 18months and I can see the benefit to both children of having each other now, but like you I definitely felt anxious at the beginning that Mabel didn't get as much 'stuff' and attention as her older brother. I wonder if second babies grow in to more stable adults because they aren't always being fussed over and dragged to baby music etc? She's definitely easier with food and generally just gets on with it...I guess we'll find out when they're older?! #PoCoLo

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  7. What a gorgeous little girl! I just discovered your blog through the newbie feature on #PoCoLo. All my little ones live in and play with hand-me-downs and they are definitely unhappy about it. It is nice to get some new things, too, from time to time, and they probably appreciate them a lot more than if everything was new. Most importantly, they have each other! I was an only child until I was 9 and when my first brother was born, it was the best day of my life! Boredom finally went out of the window! Mel

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  8. Beautifully put. Being a second child may not be that bad after all! I love the tradition of your sleepsuit - it's so wonderful! #PoCoLo

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  9. I love this post. Just perfectly put and beautifully written. My second was the same, gets everything handed down and saw tv way before her old brother ever did. hhaha Glad I am not the only one. lol #PoCoLo

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  10. Brilliant post :) I am the eldest of 7 so no hand me downs for me!! Although I have to say that sometimes I feel lonely being the eldest as I was always the responsible one! Thank you for linking to PoCoLo x

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  11. Speaking as the second child, there are many advantages. As the 'baby' of the family you can get away with LOADS!!!!! Great post and gorgeous photos - love the idea that you've this wonderful legacy in the sleepsuit :0 #PoCoLo

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  12. Maybe I'm weird, but I quite like that yellow sleepsuit! I've been trying to buy baby clothes for my bump but everything in the shops always looks so blah and either cream, blue or pink. And I love that it's being passed down though the family like that - I know it wouldn't be fun to only ever wear hand me downs, but at the same time I think it's a really nice thing to be able to do - but then I'm overly sentimental!

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  13. I for one love hand-me-downs. They have history and I think that makes them special. I adore the fact your little birds have worn the same sleepsuit that YOU did when you where a baby yourself. Such a beautiful connection to have. Thus now, this little sleepsuit has history too. Lovely post! #PoCoLo x

    www.superbusymum.net

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  14. Oh i remember all this with my second. I would buy 1 thing just for him in each clothes size. Now my older 2 are 6.5 and 4.5 they are great friends and enjoy the same things. They also are very individual and have their own friends. I feel more for my third son...... ;-)
    #pocolo

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  15. Lovely post. My second son loves wearing his brothers clothes - I think it makes him feel rather cool. This surprised me because, like you, I am an only child and I thought being the second son might make him feel 'less loved' somehow. I know now that is a load of nonsense - he is the happiest little thing ever because not only does he have us but he has a super big bro too.
    I really enjoyed this post:)

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  16. My ex wife and I were only children, and we had four kids. It was always strange having no fallback in terms of personal experience from either one of us with siblings, but it's remarkable how life just goes along anyway! Oh, and yes, hand me down are great as a parent! #PoCoLo

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